Orgasm Control & Chastity

As I stated before, I’m a big fan of chastity devices. Given the opportunity to orgasm, a sufficiently horny man will always do so. Maybe I have trust issues, but the subs I’ve played with have proven this over and over again. I don’t blame men for it, it’s just how they’re wired. If you don’t use a chastity device, then your sub is coming when he’s not suppose to, I assure you this is true. However, as a top, you have some say in this matter. If you’re worried about sounding like you don’t trust your significant other, play it off as a sexy game. I mean, after all, it is sexy.

Most people are turned on by a partner who is insatiability horny, and denial makes this possible. Think of a time in your past when someone you were with was horny but not allowed to come, and thus kept horny. Perhaps you were simply somewhere that made playing impossible. Maybe it was a punishment, or maybe it was due to something as unsexy as medication or an interruption requiring immediate attention. You may be surprised to find it leads directly to, or coincides with, a time when you yourself were very horny. You may have even finished yourself off, but still been horny. There must be something in our biology that makes us hornier when our partner is yearning for sexual release. This is a great reason and a great excuse to use a chastity device to limit your sub’s orgasms.

Personally, something that bothers me is the thought of my sub giving himself sexual satisfaction. I insist any satisfaction he gets come from me, or in some cases, from a machine at my direction. (There’s something sexy about a pitiless, unforgiving device ruthlessly working away on a helpless individual.) Sure sometimes I get really busy, but I’m never too busy for a 2 minute quickie should I decide that’s what he needs. I don’t even mind if he gets himself right to the very edge and I just finish him off with the tip of my finger, as long as it’s me that pushes him over the edge. I suppose this gives me importance, but it’s really more than that. And it’s not about fulfilling my place as the dominant sexual figure in the relationship. It’s about being the focus of his sexual energy. It just feels right.

Now, nothing is foolproof, but a chastity device provides some peace of mind, and it takes the temptation away from your boy. Some subs may fantasize about wearing the device 24 hours a day, but there are many down sides to this. If worn 24/7 a chastity device can also cause a loss of elasticity in the tissue of the cock, and erections will start to get smaller and softer. Sleeping in a chastity device will be very difficult and painful for someone new to it. Nightly erections are hardest to control and will wake anyone in a chastity device just from the pain. (Edit: I found an article stating men are erect for 90 minutes each night.) Even if, given all this, you still want to keep your sub in chastity “24/7” I suggest you let him out for monitored masturbation to curb these side effects. Having a sub wear a chastity device 24/7 does nothing for me, and proves nothing to me. I use chastity devices to make sure a man isn’t coming when he’s not allowed.

Chastity devices work by preventing the wearer from masturbating. Without being able to masturbate, your sub can’t sneak in an orgasm and lie about it. However, I like my subs as horny as possible and preventing someone from masturbating is not conducive to this wonderful predicament. Men are also well known for masturbating even in sexually fulfilling relationships. The loss of impromptu masturbation scares some men away from the idea, and the lack of masturbation can even make some men depressed. It’s almost cruel in this regard, but there’s an easy solution. Just make your sub masturbate – orgasm not required – when you’re around. If he seems a little depressed, or even just less horny, make him masturbate more.

I also want to emphasize that using a chastity device this way doesn’t mean no sex. And again, orgasm denial doesn’t mean no sex. Chastity devices can be removed for play. Just because you have sex, or play in other ways, doesn’t mean your sub needs to have an orgasm. Orgasms don’t just come out of no where and surprise you. If your sub knows there’s punishment to be had, they won’t come during sex. Even if they can’t put their mind somewhere else, they can simply pause. If they aren’t the ones in the position to pause, they can let you know when they are getting close. This goes for most types of play. Don’t let orgasm denial prevent you from doing anything!

I insist my husband wear a chastity device, but I don’t make him wear the device 24 hours a day. He’s only required to wear it when we won’t be around each other. Some people have fantasies of going months, or even years without coming, and I’d be happy to oblige. But my husband has no such fantasies. Upon agreeing to wear the chastity device, he gets a chance to come every other day. Specifically, there is no upper limit to the number of times per day I may allow him an orgasm, but since things can come up in our busy lives, I try for no less than every other day, with the occasional 2 day span. Unless he’s being punished. And this is a big “unless.” In these cases he does go longer, and it often ends in a ruined orgasm. As for regular use, people have asked, why only prevent him from coming one or two days? It’s about control. Throw a masturbation schedule in with the denial, and you have one madly horny sub.

I recommend a good sterile plastic chastity device, although there are good metal ones too. Generally a good chastity device will cost about $150. I just checked and you can get them for about $50 to $100 on Amazon. I’ve used the CB3000 the most. I found the CB2000 to be too bulky (edit: it is no longer made), but the CB6000 is a good alternative. It’s suppose to be more comfortable, harder to get out of, and harder to see under clothing. For larger men there’s The Curve. But everyone is different and I can’t say what will work for your guy. Needless to say, there are a lot to choose from. If you want to see other options you can find more on Amazon for a reasonable price, and a more complete listing on Stockroom and ExtremeRestraints. (Edit: If you don’t mind waiting 2-3 weeks and paying too much for shipping you can order one for $20 directly from a wholesaler.) Some come with just one key, some with two; make note of this when ordering. While not completely necessary, I suggest that if your lock comes with a single key, you pick up a new lock that has two keys. You can find them at any hardware store. Keep one on your key chain, so you won’t leave it at home on accident. And hide the other somewhere in the house, so you can tell him where it is if there’s an emergency or you lose your keys.

My husband has orgasms much more frequently than other subs I’ve played with. Why exactly I’ve agreed to this I don’t even remember anymore, it’s just how our relationship worked out. Although it works, if I had my way now I’d put him on a weekly schedule. Really this is ideal since hormones peak on the 7th day before dropping down again (citation). If you can talk your guy into going 7 days at a time then do it! You won’t regret it. If you can force it without harming the relationship, then go for it. There’s no down side to this if you can get your sub to go along with it. If you commonly go for longer periods, you’ll have to milk the prostrate every 10 days for health reasons. I guess this might make 10 days ideal then? In a busy schedule like mine, I’m glad not to worry about that. In the rare case that I deny my husband longer than a week but less than a month or so, I’ll skip the prostrate milking. I think it’s really only an issue when someone goes multiple months, or frequently goes more than a couple weeks at a time.

Let me quickly go over how this all fits this into our day. When we wake up my sub masturbates for 20 minutes as I start to get ready for work. He leaves for work shortly after I do, but before I leave I make sure he’s put on the chastity device. I use to help him with it, but now I just look it over quickly. If I’m in a hurry to leave he can even put the device on before showering. You can shower with most modern chastity devices on – something I suggest you look for. After work, when I’m fairly certain there’s no where else I need to go for the day I will take off his chastity device. This tends to be after dinner, but sometimes it’s before. There’s really nothing to worry about at this point. If he has to use the bathroom the door stays at least partly open. Sure he could try to sneak off to a quiet corner and rub one out but he isn’t going to risk getting caught. He knows how upset I’d be and what the punishment is, so it just isn’t worth the risk. Effectively, I get the best of both worlds. He masturbates, but doesn’t bring himself to orgasm. This is an ideal combination.